X-Men theme guitar tablature.
To all my fellow guitarist friends, I bestow this gift onto you…
Download
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxOQTaLTFrU
The most awesome thing I’ve done ever…
February 12th, 2010The End of Road Rage
December 21st, 2008Sitting in West End waiting for my friend to arrive for breakkie I found myself staring at traffic as it drove by. I have this weird habit of observing people when they drive, even when I’m driving myself and if you consider the fact that half the people in Brisbane are too lazy to indicate when they drive, your usually better off looking at which way their heads are turning rather than their lights.
But really, the best thing about watching other people as they drive is that when you’re inside your car, you really feel like it’s your own private space. So you act and behave naturally as if no one can hear or see you. Too bad this private space of yours is pretty much a small room where you’re forced to sit down and there’s a window on all four walls. The fact that you have to sit down exemplifies your upper body language. In other words, any strong emotion you attempt to show while driving will undoubtedly result in you looking retarded.
Brisbane or Australia for that matter is full of road rage. I for one am no saint when it comes to driving, like Dylan Moran says ‘Driving is like swearing in a box’, there really is no other activity which causes you to cuss as much as driving. But sitting on a bench I managed to catch road rage in all its glory, as your typical mid twenties caucasian male with sunnies, messy short hair in a black shiny holden ute through up his hands in frustration an made a contorted face of disgust an confusion like he’d just eaten a chocolate bar which was actually made of poo, when the driver in front of him decided to take his time accelerating into a right turn.
This kind of behaviour is just illogical. The result is just someone wasting energy looking stupid. The driver in front of you cannot see you. Nothing you do in your car will make them turn faster. They can’t hear you calling them silly names. And did I mention you look like an idiot?
The problem with anti road rage advertising is that they don’t attack idiot drivers about what they care about most. How cool they look. If there was a way you could compose a series of shots of your typical cool driver looking like an absolute douche because the car in front is slowing down to the speed limit and a slogan like, “Road Rage. It makes you looks like a douche bag” road rage would be gone in no time.
That being said, there is something therapeutic swearing at the top of your lungs while speeding through Monday morning traffic, if only there was a way they could emulate this in a controlled, safe environment.
Japan’08 Part 1 – Noodles and a can of vodka
October 22nd, 2008Mukashi Mukashi…
Bokku wa Kuma, Kudumagenai eo.
Once upon a time… I am a bear, not a car.
Not to long ago I found myself on a Jetstar flight off to Osaka. The plan of the journey began with one simple goal in mind, see Radiohead in Japan. The plan than exploded to include many more adventures, misadventures, super hot onsens, sword fighting lessons, which in turn led to one of the greatest trips of my life.
This is part 1 of a series which will tell the tale of my journeys about Nippon.
THE ARRIVAL
All went well on my flight to Osaka, Denis was even there with me in spirit. He was even kind enough to let me use his seat for my bag. I read almost 500 pages of Harry Potter and watched Ironman so I didn’t even really notice the 3 hours of moderate turbulance.
Stepping outside of the airport and onto the street, I walked up an around the corner away from the coaches to my bus stop, I recognised the feeling of asian air, which I felt not to long ago in my travels to Singapore, Thailand and Malaysia last year. As clean as Singapore, but not as humid with the classic asian smell from Thailand and Malaysia (wet dog and poop =p) nowhere to be found. (yet…)
I arrived at my Hotel dissapointed that the restaurant was closed… but happy that my broken Japanese was able to find that out =) Searching for a meal, I discovered the existence of a magical 24Hr store, one of which I was going to form a special bond during the rest of my trip. Family Mart.
Like a kid in a candy store with ADHD, I walked about the store at least 5 times marvelling at the stores awesome variety. It took me about 15 minutes to decide on a drink, little did I know the one I grabbed was vodka lemon. Unaware at the time that 24Hr stores actually offer to microwave their bentos for you, I decided on the fanciest pack of noodles I could find and some waffles.
Back up in my room while Denis was on the toilet,
I rugged up in my yukata an was amazed by Japan super awesome noodle packaging and instructions. The lid of the noodles contained a siv for you to drain the water out! Well I thought it was cool… Once dinner was prepared I switched on the TV.
I’m in Japan eatings noodles in a yukata watching TV… FTW!
Time Beads
September 24th, 2008I was bored, and felt like photoshopping up spheres.
Here’s what I came up with.
Hai. Junbi Dekita!
September 24th, 2008Very soon I am off to the land of the rising sun. A place filled with ’sakura’ and ramen. Where pet stores sell minature versions of already small animals.
Thats right. Nihon.
Seeing as a good friend of mine was recently in an accident an unable to come on the trip with the rest of us, I did what any other human with a soul would do. I’ve made a print out of his face to take along with me. Which needless to say, looks incredibly creepy, I wonder what the locals will think when they spot me posing next to it in photos.
Kinda Creepy…
However not as creepy as catching public transport. It seems that when the stars align, and the natural forces of Brisbane suggest to me that public transport might be the way to go for the evening, nope. Theres always something crazy waiting to happen on the bus. I should just quit watching cartoons and catch buses more often.
On a lighter note I was very lucky to catch the antics of Bill Bailey the other night. Whats more, there were the best seats to any show I’ve been to at QPAC (3, thats if you include my graduation). I’m further convinced he’s the most talented man on Earth.
Coming soon – ‘photoshop man’ and ‘the the the stutters’.
Cake from a friend in a faraway land…
September 14th, 2008Now for something completely different, the best cake instructions ever.
Chocolate Cake In 5 Minutes.
How I miss you Zac.
If Life Were a Puzzle Game.
August 22nd, 2008Everyday we make decisions, we analyze our situation consistently and then we make choices. Some small, some large and difficult. According to ‘Diceman’ by George Cockcroft (dear god, what an awful last name) these more difficult decisions are due to the fact that we actually all have multiple personalities, and the choices which take longer are due to our submissive personalities attempting to overcome our dominant personality. That being said, I always see the world as a massive puzzle and we are always essentially trying to figure out something, probably due to my IT and Design background. So I actually started wondering the other night/morning at 4am, what If Life Were a Puzzle Game?
1. Mercury Meltdown, Marble madness, Super Monkey Ball…
In puzzle games like Mercury Meltdown, Marble madness and so on, players have to maneuver some kind of object from start to finish by manipulating the world in which the object exists. So, picture yourself as the marble, mercury (Oh dear bloc party…), monkey in a ball, and having the ability to tilt the world around you. You’d never have to walk up hills, be able to call massive waves on demand, heck you’d always have the upper hand in a lightsaber battle. Of course while you would be at the centre while theoretically tilting the Universe, like standing near the centre of a merry go round, people and further from you would be like standing on the edge of the merry go round, holding on for dear life.
2. Crush
The ability to crush is a really cool concept, turning a 3D perspective into 2D, maneuvering about and then returning to 3D. Visualise the various X, Y and Z planes of perspective about you, so say the view of you directly from the top or bottom, or from you left or right. No doubt your reading this with a table in front of you. So picture horizontal view from above you looking directly down. Imagine if you could somehow crush that view, forcing the your table in front of you, to flatten into a 2D plane, which you could maneuver freely about. So theoretically you could walk onto the table as if it were a flat on the floor, and then when uncrushing back to 3D, end up standing on your table with your feed on the keyboard. Why would you want to do this? So every morning walk could instantaneously be turned into a real life game of Mario.
3. Minesweeper
How could minesweeper be applied to real life? Other than the obvious physical application… thankfully there are no mines in Brisbane. I suppose thats one good thing about this city of overpriced asian food and roads. Still, your kind of better off using a real metal detector just in case the first square you tap is a mine…As I’ve only just recently figured out the rules behind minesweeper a few years back I’m still grasping the mentality that your not supposed to click on the mines, despite all the numbers telling you where they are. Leading me onto believe, that if minesweeper mechanics existed in reality, they would be an awesome searching GUI. Imagine attempting to find friends at a packed concert? Or on the dance floor? Locating your Car at the Myer City car park? Just look for the floating numbers.
4. Mr Driller
With Australia being a mining country, how could the talents of Mr Driller not benefit the economy. This guy Rocks! With delayed gravity and the ability to mine similar piles of rock at the same time, you could mine through those massive bodies of sediment rock in an instance, pick up the goodies right after and move out of the way before ceiling falls on top of you. That being said you’ll probably end up crushing yourself, or in China, causing several earth quakes tearing Australia apart so at least Tasmania won’t be so lonely anymore and we could form an Island nation with New Zealand.
5. Puzzle Quest, Hexic, Columns, Zuma, Puzzle Bobble etc…
Colour Matching… The ultimate puzzle ability of them all…
The theory behind these puzzle worlds is that (generally) when three or more objects of the same colour reach in contact with each other, they all instantaneously dissappear. You’d want to be able to control when this happens or buying fruit at the supermarket would be a nightmare, but I think about having this ability everyday… Stuck in traffic and you see 3 blue cars in line, *poof* there they go! Emo’s all wearing black at HJ’s *shazam* no more waiting for my cheezeburger. But this being said, if you were the holder of such an awesome power, your arch nemesi would then be the Wiggles. You don’t want to mess with the Wiggles.
You’re so dead…
Dear Environment, I’m Sorry
June 25th, 2008A few weekends ago I went to a friends party which was out bush near wyvenhoe dam. On the drive down I must say we weren’t to excited, driving for almost an hour out of Brisbane on a Saturday night, when surely there must be cooler places to be. We contemplated spending the evening playing soccer in the dam in the middle of the night if no one was at the party.
There is absolutely nothing to do out bush other than drink, and burn things which led to a jolly good time. So there it is… I’m sorry environment for burning lots of things we shouldn’t have. But there was a tractor tyre and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I’m sorry Thom Yorke. I’m sorry Chris Martin. I’m sorry Bono. Actually no I’m not Bono.
In your face bono…
I never understood the concept of shotgun. Probably cause I’m always DD. But on this one rare occasion where my friend was driving I had the glorious golden opportunity to feel sweet victory of winning shotgun and earning the throne that is the front seat. But seriously now, I suck at shotgun. I suck more at shotgun than I do at golf and Call of Duty 4, and thats a lot. Whats more is that I lost on an acreage of bushland where the Car was practically visible from 100 metres.
Ahhh… Now it all makes sense
On a lighter note I was flown down to Sydney the other day for work an I was given the opportunity to sample UNSW pad thai noodles.
Pretty campus…
So so pad thai…
Anyways, if you love noodles, watch - this - if you haven’t already.
The Theory of Showing Up Fashionably Late
June 16th, 2008For anyone who actually knows me in real life. Thats right, you know who you are. I’m always late to everything. Unless I’m trying to impress someone, theres money involved, my life or on special occasions, someone else life. I’m always late. Apparently its fashionable to show up late, personally I think its just rude, but then again since I do it, I must secretly be okay with being rude, hence I’m a bit of a jerk, but then again for those of you who really know me.
So I sat down and had a conversation with a friend about the time frames involved with being fashionably late and below is what we came with.
You take the time the event is starting in 24hr time, this is equal to T.
There is an overall time shifting factor depending on what time of the day the event is beginning, which is F.
The earlier the event, the less time you have for being fashionably late, the later the more time you have.
For e.g, showing up to 6:30am training at 7:30am, fashionably late? No, your just being a twat. You’ve let the team down and everybody hates you. However, cocktail party 9:30pm you’ve got a bit of leeway.
F is calculated by taking the hour of T and subtracting 12 and multiplying by 5, taking into mind that if F is negative it is then equal to 0.
You then have N, a value of time generated by the number of people attending this event. Smaller intimate numbers provide less of an opportunity for showing up fashionably late, whereas larger numbers provide more time.
N is then equal to 0.5* (number of people – 5), whereby if N is a negative value it is then equal to 0 and has a max value of 20.
The variable I, is the importance factor of the event. This is what you must judge for yourself, and its not just your importance you have to worry about, but also the importance of the event holder in your life.
I is equal from 0 to 2.
Below is a guide to this value.
So in the end you have T F N I, and the formula is:
T + ( (F + N) * I ) = Fashionably late time.
Given that,
F & N & I >= 0, F <= 60, N <= 20 , I <= 2.
So for example, saturday night party, start time 19:00.
F = (19 – 12) * 5 = 35
N = 0.5 * (20 – 5) = 7.5
I know the person fairly well, however I know theres a few other people going and I really won’t know that too many people.
I = 1.2
Fashionably Late Time = 19:00 + ( (35 + 7.5) * 1.2 ) = 19:00 + :51 = 19:51
As I said earlier in this article there are just some things you shouldn’t be late to and according to Elizabeth Wellington, a lady I don’t even know, I just assume her argument is valid because her name is made up of the Queen and a town from the English County of Somerset, “promptness is the latest trend at social gatherings these days”.
Obviously since I’m not english I have no sense of class… Least I can make better noodles.
Flying = Foxtrot Tango Whiskey!!!
June 11th, 2008Generally when you think of work day trips you think team building excercises. A lunch somewhere with the promise of free cheap wine. Given better odds maybe dreamworld or go karting, heck skirmish would be a pretty good day to spend with your 9 to 5 family.
But oh no, how’s about the chance to fly a plane?
Being one of the few Brisbanites in this world who actually enjoys his work and doesn’t dread stepping into the front door of his office monday to friday, as I manage to scare at least one passerby in the morning when I jump through the fence of a shoddy looking car park, I consider myself pretty lucky. An after last week I’m pretty sure everyone in my office feels the same.
So anyways we all hopped on a bus early in the morning (note early in the office for us is 8:30), and we headed down the bruce highway, now knowing what adventures awaited us. There was the allure of Australia Zoo… The missed opportunity of the Ginger Factory, “Where fun is made!” However as the bus turned off for the Airport we immediately though, YAY WE’RE GOING TO CHINA!
Crazy china… they’ve gone olympics crazy…
So after dealing with the shock of being told that we were each going to get half an hour in a plane, we sat through a quick presentation in the briefing room as to what we were going to run through.
You’ll have to fire two torpedos into the exhaust shute
Why thats no bigger than a whomp rat…
All I can say about my first experience flying a plane is this… IT WAS AWESOME!!!
Take your first experience of riding down a hill on a push bike and give your bike wings, add clouds and loud engine noises, replace the hill with a thousand feet of air and that’s what it feels like.
Luckily I was given airspace over open water so I thought, hey? Even If I do gimbal lock the plane I can swim to safety right? Anyways listening to the Copilot say “Foxtrot Yankee Yankee” every 30 seconds while we got orders from the traffic tower, rolling the plane left and right, pitching up and down (Yay for Mathematics of Computer Graphics!) flying up and down the coast line over shimmering water at two thousand five hundred feet was so surreal.
Suddenly we got a call from air traffic about a helicopter about to enter our airspace to land, so we quickly turned and made our descent. Slowly everything became life-sized again. Buildings and roads grew, as we glided over midday traffic into airport grounds towards the runway. Soon enough our wheels hit the tarmac and my feet were back on the ground.
